I dutifully printed out the workouts and have been working out in the hotel room to light mauve sheets of Patrick planking, v-sitting, and uh...Patricking. The diet was a little rocky before we got to Costco...no major slipups, but I had to compress several meals into one. I have been eating a little more honey than I should. How much more honey? Imagine flotillas of plastic empty bear bottles off the coast of Hawaii. I've been telling my family that if I go off my diet "Patrick will come through the computer screen and PUNCH ME IN THE FACE."
Yesterday I was swimming by the beach with my family. I'm normally not afraid of sharks, but this week is special. My brother lectured me: "Jessica, be serious. You have more chance of being trampled by a pig than being bitten by a shark. I read the guidebook." He kept sarcastically grabbing my leg and laughing and swimming away. I rolled my eyes and said "har har har." The joke got old. Then, guess what; I saw a FUCKING FIN coming at me through the water.
PCP Jessica's Guide to Victory Over Sharks:
1.) Run flailing out of the water
2.) Point and scream shark until people notice
3.) Keep screaming shark
People were on the beach snapping pictures like crazy. It didn't look like a big shark, but jeez. At least now I get to say smug things like, "Oh, what's that little bro? No sharks? Is that a shark I hear out in the water?"
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Well, getting an arm bitten off would mean you'd only have to do half of the reps for your one-arm curls!
ReplyDeletewatch out for the trampling pig then!
ReplyDeletebe safe. have fun. keep rocking!
And don't pick up those cursed tiki idols!
ReplyDeleteYou know, Jess, shark is fish and fish is a primo protein! You could've always challenged the shark and see who would've bitten who first!