In bad taste

So, I bet you were thinking: "what did Jessica do with those 400 calories from indulgence #2?" About a month ago, I was reading Oprah Magazine and Oprah said I should buy Intentional Chocolates. What is an Intentional Chocolate, you ask? Some genius chocolatier got a bunch of (Tibetan) Buddhist monks to meditate their good intentions over a batch of chocolate. Then he developed a machine to "capture" those good intentions. Then he published one study saying that people who ate the chocolate felt happier or something. I told my mom about it, and she said, "oh, I should get you some to celebrate the finish of the PCP since you're into Buddha stuff." I said, "ha ha, sure." and then later changed my answer to, "you should just buy me a new resistance band." Then she walked out of the post office with a fancy box the next day. Oops. As a present to myself I bought a new purple resistance band (the strongest one they had), a set of push-up bars, and a new jumprope. Ohhhh sexy new resistance band.


Chocolate log:
Chocolate #1: Shared with mom in the afternoon, who said she felt no effects.
Chocolate #2: Eaten in my room at night. Felt guilty and warm.
Chocolate #3: Eaten before breakfast. Felt slightly warmer.
Chocolate #4-5: Shared with an old professor midday.
Chocolate #6: Broken into nibbles. One nibble before the first interview, one nibble before the second interview. I lost track of nibbles.

I don't know if it had any effects other than those chocolate normally gives you. My thought is that it would be nice if intention would be given to all of our food, not just expensive chocolate in the Oprah Magazine.


And then I sell it for 20 bucks.

PCP for life

Friday:
Jumpropes. An epic and delicious PCP breakfast. A loooonnnng drive. A restaurant dinner of sickly lettuce and a few bits of deli turkey.

Saturday (indulgence day):
Made do with a hotel breakfast (i.e. "no fat" but not no sugar yogurt, scrambled eggs, apple, Raisin Bran). Read something about "supersets" and went, "huuuuh?" Missed and pined for my vegetables. A full day of informational sessions. Interview #1. Lunch at a Thai place, ordered sauteed chicken and veggies. Don't know what they sauteed it in. Went out with mom and sister for dinner. Had "indulgence" of lobster pasta, Riesling, and apple pie...and cookie/Japanese candies. Thought "I'm over this" as I was eating the pasta. Felt an all-encompassing sense of ickiness that I realize characterized every single pre-PCP day; called it normal then. Came back and jumproped in the hotel entryway. Jumprope got caught on my face, and ear, and the wall. Did all exercises but the legs; no space.

Sunday:
Hotel breakfast. Interview #2. Did my exercises in the tiny "workout" room in the hotel; no chairs for chest exercises. Was the only one there. Used the bathroom door for my shoulder flys. Was distracted by the t.v. Went to a misnamed "grocery store" but the only non-cookable thing was spinach; bought a bagfull and ate handfuls. Sashimi dinner; had a little miso soup.

Monday: A looonnnnggg drive. Uncle took me out to burgers. Had the chicken breast sandwich and more stupid iceberg lettuce- IT'S NOT REAL VEGETABLES. Told him about the PCP. He bought a jumprope and the toughest resistance band he could find. Told him it was 80% diet. He skipped breakfast and had two cheeseburgers for lunch. Told him that was not exactly the way we do it. Finally got ALL of my exercises in. The supersets...agh, you're killin' me Smalls! Called rude shuttle man and scheduled ride.

Tuesday:
Hotel-type breakfast. Was stood up by my shuttle ride back home. Called him up and yelled; uncharacteristic. May have cursed him in Arabic. Hoped that God heard my curses and his parts withered. Another grilled chicken sandwich lunch. Waitress said she thought I might be "allergic" to the cheese sauce (why else would I ask for none?) but put it in a little cup on the side anyway. Waited 6 hours and took a puddle jumper home. Taxi cab. 9:00 PM: Time for exercises! (I had BETTER get that job...geeeeez. I don't find out for 4 weeks though.)

Ruh-roh (day 86)

It's been bit of a Pcpisaster these last couple of days. Wait, wait, I still have a ticket for this wagon, come baaaaaaaaccckkkkk...

Luck (day 84)

Wish me luck!

Gnomes (day 82)

I woke up at four am to a massive thunderstorm and the phrase "the tiny gnome kingdom of Kyrgyzstan is living in your nostrils!" echoing in my head.

Today I want to talk a little bit about my hobby in the PCP banner. In my picture, I'm standing overlooking a ancient city in the Sahara desert, but I feel like a bit of a travel poseur. I enjoy it, but I can count the number of countries I've been to on two hands. In the other hobby picture I sent Patrick I'm squinched up on a tree branch, reading a blue book. (It's actually a repurposed book on anesthesia in which I pasted maps to Paris cheese and butterfly stores!) I love to read.

My first suggestion was that you read David Mitchell, for his sheer imagination and inventiveness. One of the authors that Mitchell looks up to, and rightly so, is Vladimir Nabokov. I would exhort, beg, and plead that you read Nabokov! Please start out with: Pale Fire, Lolita, Invitation to a Beheading, The Real Life of Sebastian Knight, Pnin, and Speak, Memory. Although Nabokov's son was an opera star, Nabokov didn't enjoy music. I don't think you need music when you have rainbows suspended in your brain. Nabokov was a synesthete, which means that your brain mixes up two sensations, such as taste and sound. A trumpet squeal might taste like pickles, or the tinkle of a music box might taste of sugar. In Nabokov's case, each letter of the alphabet had a particular hue, as Jean Holabird illustrates here. Read him for his dreamy, dripping, luscious prose.

Employed (day 81)

It took 81 days but I'm finally employed again. This is good since I've been footing 90% of the grocery bill, PCP style. Don't get me wrong, this is one of the best decisions I've made in my life... but now I might be able to actually afford broccoli every day!

Anyway, I'm making sandwiches. I feel a little guilty making sandwiches after doing the PCP. Especially as I've looked at Americans more carefully. There are some sad looking people out there (not that I speak from a position of superiority)! It's like I'm inflicting damage with my sandwiches of death! "Hi, welcome to, what's your name? Bob? Listen, Bob, I'd like to give you this sandwich, but I can't in good conscience. Here, have a water. Go do some pilates. You'll feel better."

One thing I always thought was icky about minimum wage jobs is that they usually don't provide an insurance option. I understand profit-wise why they wouldn't provide it, but I feel like minimum wage workers are some of the people who need it the most. I bought some insurance and even with it I'm still getting dinged for a pre-PCP illness.

Also, if you have dental insurance, I want you to look up into the heavens and say, "thank you, god, for this lovely dental insurance." I can hear (and see) the cavities eating my teeth! Never thought I'd be jealous of dental insurance. Guess I'm getting old.

Zipadeedoodah (day 79)

The weather outside is what I like to call "white snivel," and I've been devouring a bag of pears. I've been thinking about motivation lately. I like to read health books sometimes (it's easier to read books than actually be healthy), and recently I picked up one by Dr. Weil. In it, he suggests brewing ginger tea to...I forget, improve your liver fungus health or something. I actually went out and bought a little piece of ginger. A little piece of ginger that sat and molded and molded until I threw it away.

Why is it that books and other media forms have failed for me, but the PCP works? Is it because a public forum is holding me accountable? Is it the amount of grocery money I've invested in my body? Is it that I get to pretend someone is thinking, "gee, I sure hope that Jessica flosses her teeth and exercises tonight!" Is it the force of habit? Is it seeing the effects that healthy living brings? Good things to figure out before day 90. Hmm...

Anyway, as for the indulgence, the consensus is: meal. AND A PITCHERFUL OF REAL CREAM, STRAIGHT! I'm going to ask for an extension on this one since I'm going to A REAL CITY on day 84-86.

Also, I like to jumprope to this song and pretend my jumps are shaking the room. The funny thing is that jumping too deeply causes my Ipod to change tracks. So one minute I'll be kicking ass and shaking the room in my imagination and the next, I'M A GUMMI BEAR BA BA DOOBIE DOOBIE YUM YUM!
(see especially 0:58)

Contem-plate-tion (day 77)

After two years straight of dreaming of gooey pies, savory sausages, and delectable cakes, it surprises me that I don't really care about indulgence #3. So fellow PCPers: decide for me.

Should I eat ten Twinkies off a mirror? Should I have a 1,000 calorie ice cream-lobster-cheese-hot fudge-pickle-pancake? Within reason, it's up to you; don't let me down. (Act now and I'll throw in a 400 calorie bonus from indulgence #2!)

Indulgence #3: Patrick has spoken (day 75)

A j-o-b job (day 73)

On the positive side, I can fit into size 11 pants now. On the negative side, after tomorrow's interview they will be size 11 Walmart pants at my sandwich shop job.
It's like I've died and gone to English major hell! I'll read more Sir Walter Scott! I'll never use another semi-colon incorrectly; again I promise! (Money for Japan at least. Yap yap.) And now...

The intervention that needs to happen:

PCP group: So, about all that honey you've been eati-
Jessica: WHY DO YOU TAKE AWAY EVERYTHING I LOVE!?!?
MINE!!!

I've decided to put myself on a honey ban (except for breakfast). No more bee frat party in my mouth. What to eat with plain low-fat yogurt? It tastes like sour cream (and barf). I tried mixing baked apple in it, but that kinda tastes like old washrags. Ideas?

Failure isn't a number (day 71)

After several days of Japanese study, I am highly confident that I can say "the horse is running" and "egg." I like how this is useful in any situation.

Japanese person: Hi, where are you from?
Me: The horse is running.
Japanese person: Uh... nice to meet you.
Me: Egg!

(The wind blows and a gaggle of pikachus hops by to drink from abandoned cartons of miruku)

I was drooling honey over my (whole grain) Cheerios the other day, trying to touch each cheerio with a tiny golden filament and wishing for a honey spider. My mom looked over my shoulder and commented, "you have such self control." I made a Scooby Doo face. "What do you mean? I'm trying to get the most area out of this freakin' bear." "No," she explained, "I mean I wouldn't be able to do your diet. I would cheat and eat cookies."

She's made other comments, like "wow, you are working so hard" or "you are too hardcore!" My response to that is: I like kittens and tickles! Also, you totally get extra hardcore points if your mom says it. The hardest core thing I do is make sweat angels on my kitchen floor between floorjumps. It is so funny sometimes to hear other people's reactions to the PCP. I think what we're doing is very sensible, like packing an extra pair of black socks in case your feet get cold. Wow, I should go into marketing: THE PCP! VERY SENSIBLE! LIKE PACKING AN EXTRA PAIR OF SOCKS!

P.S. Uh, Patrick, I may be really bad at math but even I know you can't multiply a number by a word (5 x failure). That's like saying 9 x spoon. So I'm just gonna pretend that wasn't on the workout sheet to make you feel better.

(I would milk that honey spider every day).

One bean, TOOTHBRUSH... (day 69)

Gosh, I can't believe there are only 20 days left in the program! My mom said, "aren't you nervous?" I was a little worried, because I am not tough. I prefer my paps unbloodied and my asparagus for lunch. In my past fantasies, I wanted to live in a library and every day a man would come by with the cake truck and a cuckoo clock would chime "cake time" and little animals would come out of the wall to sing him a greeting. He would wear a blue hat and Wednesday would be pie day. AGGGHHHH TOOTHBRUSH!

These days I would like a little purple badge that says "no cake club". Sure, part of my motivation to eat and exercise right now is pretending (or maybe not pretending) that 15 people are judging me if my gut expands. But it's also
the absence of stabbing pains in my side every month, the sleeping better, the increased energy, and the chance at a healthy life. So no, I'm not really worried.

Yesterday I was finally able to wear some nice new clothes as I walked around town searching for jobs. They fit really well! I wore a cute black dress, cute black coat, and tights. Unfortunately my town is mostly a long drag of hamburger restaurants, poker halls with broken windows, and real estate businesses. I looked a little funereal. It started to rain, and then I just smelled like wet hamburgers and wool. At least the manager at the sandwich shop was impressed.

Heh heh, I finally got a Japanese language program. I'll really wow 'em if I get a Japan job interview: "The little boy swims! Blue car! Blue car! Three three three!"

Gambatte ne!

Zombies (day 67)

I have been taking long walks to get out of the house while I'm waiting to hear back from a job I submitted a resume to. If I hear back from them it should take up to two weeks, so that's a lot of walking! I really miss jogging, but I don't want to mess up my knee again. What's strange is that my toe has just randomly swelled up for the past few days for reasons only known to itself. Ouch! The body is so weird sometimes.

Today my back hurt and it took me a while to realize that we did back exercises yesterday. Yay! Some exercises (for me) are immediately painful, like floor jumps, and others, mostly back work, are more painful the next day.

In honor of seeing the movie Zombieland tomorrow, I would like to announce that according to a reputable quiz, I am 80% likely to survive a zombie attack. This is probably due my increased cardiovascular fitness and hypothetical ability to wield a flamethrower. Thanks, Peak Condition Project!

Remember, when you peak, you win! (day 64)

After a few "meh" days on the PCP I just wanted to reclarify some things for myself and jot down a few thoughts (meh meaning a little too much low fat cheese, a little too much honey, a little too less effort):

-New pictures up.

-Baked apples are delicious. Try one today: http://www.wikihow.com/Make-a-Baked-Apple . Put those Honey Crisps to good use!

-I sure am eating a lot of yogurt. Sometimes I speculate with my mom why a few minor aspects of my diet are the way they are. Our conversations go like this: Me: "soooo much yogurt, why?" Mom: "because it's good for you." Me: "Coffee?" Mom: "maybe Patrick thinks you like it." Me: "why so much food?" Mom: "maybe you should cut the diet in half." Haha, bad news, I know.

-I never want to drink soda again.

-Once the PCP ends I am going to eat less, but still healthily. If there is not much healthy food around the house I'd rather not eat. I'll try to keep my own supply of healthy foods if I can.

-I won't be in Peak Condition by the time the PCP ends. BUT!!!
-I will know:

a.) how to cook and feed myself heathily
b.) how to work out to get to Peak Condition
c.) that I want to keep going on the path to fitness
d.) that my life is 100% healthier than when I started

-The further I get into the PCP, the less I want to go back to eating unhealthy foods. Why waste my effort? Why feel like crap again?

-On that note, people keep asking when I can "let up" on my diet. I don't want to let up! Not this month, not next month, etc. If anything, I want to be a little stricter.

-I put myself on a scale ban because weighing yourself two or three times a day is silly and not healthy.

-Rock on, guys!

Let's pretend this commercial isn't completely about sex:

Mr. Twinkles (Day 62)

Communities can be vital, lively sources of feedback and encouragement. But sometimes, depending on conflicts in time and distance or the rarity of your interest, you might find that you are the only blue-haired cat tamer in your city. Or in our case, PCPer. When that "complete" stamp goes up on our picture, it's up to us to keep steaming our zucchini, sweating through another Plank or taking Mr. Twinkles through the flaming hoop one more time. So what can we do in this situation? I struggle with this question a lot. I'm sure that Patrick will have some helpful advice once we get there, but I am trying to come up with some answers for myself.

1.) Realize that your actions got you this far. It's not somebody else's hand feeding you the last egg white of the evening or scraping your quivering ab pecs off of the floor. Similarly, it will be your actions that keep your jumprope oiled and your steamer gleaming. At the same time, appreciate the time, care, and encouragement you received in the PCP community. I know I do.

2.) Build your own community. A community doesn't have to be made of people, unless it's Soylent Green. Your can create your own community from books and articles that support your interests and videos that inspire. Mike, for example, shows a "Monday Motivational Movie" every week. Nothing can fully replace a teacher or human community, but these can be good resources in a pinch.

3.) Stroke Mr. Twinkles and cry because you are alone, so very, very alone.

3.) Be stubborn. Continue even if you think nobody cares. You don't know who is watching you. If Patrick and the other PCPers hadn't put in the effort every day I wouldn't have signed up here. Similarly, that cashier at the local Kmart might be looking for ways to get healthy, or maybe your cousin wants to lose 10 pounds. My mom told me that she stopped drinking Coke because of me. So steam your kale and pound through those sit-ups.