Employed (day 81)

It took 81 days but I'm finally employed again. This is good since I've been footing 90% of the grocery bill, PCP style. Don't get me wrong, this is one of the best decisions I've made in my life... but now I might be able to actually afford broccoli every day!

Anyway, I'm making sandwiches. I feel a little guilty making sandwiches after doing the PCP. Especially as I've looked at Americans more carefully. There are some sad looking people out there (not that I speak from a position of superiority)! It's like I'm inflicting damage with my sandwiches of death! "Hi, welcome to, what's your name? Bob? Listen, Bob, I'd like to give you this sandwich, but I can't in good conscience. Here, have a water. Go do some pilates. You'll feel better."

One thing I always thought was icky about minimum wage jobs is that they usually don't provide an insurance option. I understand profit-wise why they wouldn't provide it, but I feel like minimum wage workers are some of the people who need it the most. I bought some insurance and even with it I'm still getting dinged for a pre-PCP illness.

Also, if you have dental insurance, I want you to look up into the heavens and say, "thank you, god, for this lovely dental insurance." I can hear (and see) the cavities eating my teeth! Never thought I'd be jealous of dental insurance. Guess I'm getting old.

Zipadeedoodah (day 79)

The weather outside is what I like to call "white snivel," and I've been devouring a bag of pears. I've been thinking about motivation lately. I like to read health books sometimes (it's easier to read books than actually be healthy), and recently I picked up one by Dr. Weil. In it, he suggests brewing ginger tea to...I forget, improve your liver fungus health or something. I actually went out and bought a little piece of ginger. A little piece of ginger that sat and molded and molded until I threw it away.

Why is it that books and other media forms have failed for me, but the PCP works? Is it because a public forum is holding me accountable? Is it the amount of grocery money I've invested in my body? Is it that I get to pretend someone is thinking, "gee, I sure hope that Jessica flosses her teeth and exercises tonight!" Is it the force of habit? Is it seeing the effects that healthy living brings? Good things to figure out before day 90. Hmm...

Anyway, as for the indulgence, the consensus is: meal. AND A PITCHERFUL OF REAL CREAM, STRAIGHT! I'm going to ask for an extension on this one since I'm going to A REAL CITY on day 84-86.

Also, I like to jumprope to this song and pretend my jumps are shaking the room. The funny thing is that jumping too deeply causes my Ipod to change tracks. So one minute I'll be kicking ass and shaking the room in my imagination and the next, I'M A GUMMI BEAR BA BA DOOBIE DOOBIE YUM YUM!
(see especially 0:58)

Contem-plate-tion (day 77)

After two years straight of dreaming of gooey pies, savory sausages, and delectable cakes, it surprises me that I don't really care about indulgence #3. So fellow PCPers: decide for me.

Should I eat ten Twinkies off a mirror? Should I have a 1,000 calorie ice cream-lobster-cheese-hot fudge-pickle-pancake? Within reason, it's up to you; don't let me down. (Act now and I'll throw in a 400 calorie bonus from indulgence #2!)

Indulgence #3: Patrick has spoken (day 75)

A j-o-b job (day 73)

On the positive side, I can fit into size 11 pants now. On the negative side, after tomorrow's interview they will be size 11 Walmart pants at my sandwich shop job.
It's like I've died and gone to English major hell! I'll read more Sir Walter Scott! I'll never use another semi-colon incorrectly; again I promise! (Money for Japan at least. Yap yap.) And now...

The intervention that needs to happen:

PCP group: So, about all that honey you've been eati-
Jessica: WHY DO YOU TAKE AWAY EVERYTHING I LOVE!?!?
MINE!!!

I've decided to put myself on a honey ban (except for breakfast). No more bee frat party in my mouth. What to eat with plain low-fat yogurt? It tastes like sour cream (and barf). I tried mixing baked apple in it, but that kinda tastes like old washrags. Ideas?

Failure isn't a number (day 71)

After several days of Japanese study, I am highly confident that I can say "the horse is running" and "egg." I like how this is useful in any situation.

Japanese person: Hi, where are you from?
Me: The horse is running.
Japanese person: Uh... nice to meet you.
Me: Egg!

(The wind blows and a gaggle of pikachus hops by to drink from abandoned cartons of miruku)

I was drooling honey over my (whole grain) Cheerios the other day, trying to touch each cheerio with a tiny golden filament and wishing for a honey spider. My mom looked over my shoulder and commented, "you have such self control." I made a Scooby Doo face. "What do you mean? I'm trying to get the most area out of this freakin' bear." "No," she explained, "I mean I wouldn't be able to do your diet. I would cheat and eat cookies."

She's made other comments, like "wow, you are working so hard" or "you are too hardcore!" My response to that is: I like kittens and tickles! Also, you totally get extra hardcore points if your mom says it. The hardest core thing I do is make sweat angels on my kitchen floor between floorjumps. It is so funny sometimes to hear other people's reactions to the PCP. I think what we're doing is very sensible, like packing an extra pair of black socks in case your feet get cold. Wow, I should go into marketing: THE PCP! VERY SENSIBLE! LIKE PACKING AN EXTRA PAIR OF SOCKS!

P.S. Uh, Patrick, I may be really bad at math but even I know you can't multiply a number by a word (5 x failure). That's like saying 9 x spoon. So I'm just gonna pretend that wasn't on the workout sheet to make you feel better.

(I would milk that honey spider every day).

One bean, TOOTHBRUSH... (day 69)

Gosh, I can't believe there are only 20 days left in the program! My mom said, "aren't you nervous?" I was a little worried, because I am not tough. I prefer my paps unbloodied and my asparagus for lunch. In my past fantasies, I wanted to live in a library and every day a man would come by with the cake truck and a cuckoo clock would chime "cake time" and little animals would come out of the wall to sing him a greeting. He would wear a blue hat and Wednesday would be pie day. AGGGHHHH TOOTHBRUSH!

These days I would like a little purple badge that says "no cake club". Sure, part of my motivation to eat and exercise right now is pretending (or maybe not pretending) that 15 people are judging me if my gut expands. But it's also
the absence of stabbing pains in my side every month, the sleeping better, the increased energy, and the chance at a healthy life. So no, I'm not really worried.

Yesterday I was finally able to wear some nice new clothes as I walked around town searching for jobs. They fit really well! I wore a cute black dress, cute black coat, and tights. Unfortunately my town is mostly a long drag of hamburger restaurants, poker halls with broken windows, and real estate businesses. I looked a little funereal. It started to rain, and then I just smelled like wet hamburgers and wool. At least the manager at the sandwich shop was impressed.

Heh heh, I finally got a Japanese language program. I'll really wow 'em if I get a Japan job interview: "The little boy swims! Blue car! Blue car! Three three three!"

Gambatte ne!