The Peak Condition Project - Jessica

Final pictures

2009-11-03T17:05:00.000-08:00

BEFORE/AFTER

AFTER

I bow to Fred and Sidney.

Disembodied!

Sad, the PCP is finished.

That's o.k., I'll just go eat some cake. (KIDDING)

No cookies, and smiles times (day 90)

2009-11-03T12:15:00.000-08:00

In June, I ended my Peace Corps West Africa service and returned to America with one goal in mind: to eat my way through Dr. Phil’s Weight Loss Challenge “what not to eat” section. I found the book in a discarded “Books for Africa” box. (Seriously, who donates a weight loss book to Africa!?!? Twit.) In my Peace Corps country, Republique Islamique Mauritanie (RIM), fat women are considered beautiful. Young girls there are sometimes sent to “fat camps,” not to lose but to gain weight. They lounge under tents in the desert and drink fatty camel’s milk and eat sugary dates.

As another Peace Corps volunteer noted, food in the RIM is “oily, starchy, bland or a combination of all three. And when I say oily, I mean you grab a handful of rice, and oil is literally dripping and oozing out of your hand. Most plates either consisted of rice or some form of couscous, with red meat.” My host families were very generous and wanted me to be “beautiful.” They’d yell, “Eat, eat! What’s wrong with you? Are you sick? Don’t you like the food?” I became adept at eating great quantities of food. I ate soggy goat parts for months on end, and then when I went to the big city I applied my newfound skill to eating a whole pizza in one sitting. I yearned for the day when I could put memories of sheep’s stomach (much like a wet gray washcloth) behind me and eat cheese with abandon.

I didn’t exercise for two years. Saharan temperatures of up to 130f/54c by 10am sometimes made it impossible for me to do anything but lay around and sweat. The combination of carbs, greasy foods, no exercise, and giardia (basically a typical American lifestyle taken to the extreme) left me feeling absolutely miserable when I returned to America. Still, I lovingly annotated my Dr. Phil page, adding notes like “with ranch,” or “add cheese” or “more pie.” I was ready to eat America, but for one thing.

Throughout my service, I listened to Zen is Stupid as I walked through the vegetable market in Atar, dodging donkeys and letting the curses waft over my head. “Curse my life and burn my father in Hell? And a good day to you too, sir!” I found Gwen and Patrick to be two sweet, down-to-earth people. (Someday I would like to treat you both to a not-beer and an un-sandwich. Green tea and broccoli maybe? I can use my ZiS refund money!) I was curious when I heard about the PCP and was extremely happy when Patrick agreed to work with me to set up the plan.

I protested a lot at first. For example, “not my cheese, dear god, not my cheese!” and “but Patrick, I can’t cook!” I was planning to live the PCP on frozen broccoli and diet pizza. Patrick wounded my pride a tiny bit (cooking is TOO rocket science) so I learned how to cook salmon, tuna, chicken, broccoli, squash, spaghetti, apples, yam fries, sauces, green beans, lean steak, various forms of eggs, kale, quinoa, collard greens, brussels sprouts, and zucchini. (I can steam like a champ!) And I’m still learning more recipes.

My weight dropped from 164 (74.55 kilos) to 151 pounds (68.64 kilos). I put on some respectable baby muscles. I worked out more consistently than I ever have in my whole life (and learned how to work out). I learned how to eat properly and stopped craving cake every hour. My geographic tongue went away. I learned some cool stuff about the body, and want to learn more. I set up a daily meditation practice. Most of all, I had fun!

I enjoyed reading everyone’s blogs, from all PCP groups past and present. Congratulations on completion! E, Anshu and Mike, it’s no small thing to keep up the PCP while holding down a full-time job and to keep coming up with new recipes, biking insane distances, and working out late at night. I’m really proud to have you in my group and to see the great changes you’ve gone through. And keep up the good work ladies below us! I am very thankful to Chen and Patrick. My life is significantly better because I did the PCP. I don't know any blessings in Arabic, so bless you in American! Anyone looking to do the PCP, if you can, do it.

I wanted to end the PCP more auspiciously than working at a sandwich job. I wanted to announce that I got the job that I applied to, but I won’t find out for another month if I did or not. (Am curious for the scoop, P) I was mad at myself for having a less than perfect superset week on the PCP. But then I stopped and realized that I’m o.k. with ending on a less than auspicious note, because life isn’t always going to be favorable to the PCP, and I want to take the PCP with me throughout my life. I’ve still got a lot of work to do to be in Peak Condition. I want to lose 30 more pounds (13.64 kilos), build some more muscle, and a yoga course would certainly be nice. And wouldn’t it be infinitely neat to be able to do something like this someday?

I saw a giant picture of Kara Goucher in the airport last week. I'd like to think she'd be proud.

My advice to new PCPers? Don’t eat broccoli before you jumprope. Trust me on this one.

In bad taste

2009-10-28T22:50:00.000-07:00

So, I bet you were thinking: "what did Jessica do with those 400 calories from indulgence #2?" About a month ago, I was reading Oprah Magazine and Oprah said I should buy Intentional Chocolates. What is an Intentional Chocolate, you ask? Some genius chocolatier got a bunch of (Tibetan) Buddhist monks to meditate their good intentions over a batch of chocolate. Then he developed a machine to "capture" those good intentions. Then he published one study saying that people who ate the chocolate felt happier or something. I told my mom about it, and she said, "oh, I should get you some to celebrate the finish of the PCP since you're into Buddha stuff." I said, "ha ha, sure." and then later changed my answer to, "you should just buy me a new resistance band." Then she walked out of the post office with a fancy box the next day. Oops. As a present to myself I bought a new purple resistance band (the strongest one they had), a set of push-up bars, and a new jumprope. Ohhhh sexy new resistance band.

Chocolate log:
Chocolate #1: Shared with mom in the afternoon, who said she felt no effects.
Chocolate #2: Eaten in my room at night. Felt guilty and warm.
Chocolate #3: Eaten before breakfast. Felt slightly warmer.
Chocolate #4-5: Shared with an old professor midday.
Chocolate #6: Broken into nibbles. One nibble before the first interview, one nibble before the second interview. I lost track of nibbles.

I don't know if it had any effects other than those chocolate normally gives you. My thought is that it would be nice if intention would be given to all of our food, not just expensive chocolate in the Oprah Magazine.

And then I sell it for 20 bucks.

PCP for life

2009-10-27T20:26:00.000-07:00

Friday:
Jumpropes. An epic and delicious PCP breakfast. A loooonnnng drive. A restaurant dinner of sickly lettuce and a few bits of deli turkey.

Saturday (indulgence day):
Made do with a hotel breakfast (i.e. "no fat" but not no sugar yogurt, scrambled eggs, apple, Raisin Bran). Read something about "supersets" and went, "huuuuh?" Missed and pined for my vegetables. A full day of informational sessions. Interview #1. Lunch at a Thai place, ordered sauteed chicken and veggies. Don't know what they sauteed it in. Went out with mom and sister for dinner. Had "indulgence" of lobster pasta, Riesling, and apple pie...and cookie/Japanese candies. Thought "I'm over this" as I was eating the pasta. Felt an all-encompassing sense of ickiness that I realize characterized every single pre-PCP day; called it normal then. Came back and jumproped in the hotel entryway. Jumprope got caught on my face, and ear, and the wall. Did all exercises but the legs; no space.

Sunday:
Hotel breakfast. Interview #2. Did my exercises in the tiny "workout" room in the hotel; no chairs for chest exercises. Was the only one there. Used the bathroom door for my shoulder flys. Was distracted by the t.v. Went to a misnamed "grocery store" but the only non-cookable thing was spinach; bought a bagfull and ate handfuls. Sashimi dinner; had a little miso soup.

Monday: A looonnnnggg drive. Uncle took me out to burgers. Had the chicken breast sandwich and more stupid iceberg lettuce- IT'S NOT REAL VEGETABLES. Told him about the PCP. He bought a jumprope and the toughest resistance band he could find. Told him it was 80% diet. He skipped breakfast and had two cheeseburgers for lunch. Told him that was not exactly the way we do it. Finally got ALL of my exercises in. The supersets...agh, you're killin' me Smalls! Called rude shuttle man and scheduled ride.

Tuesday:
Hotel-type breakfast. Was stood up by my shuttle ride back home. Called him up and yelled; uncharacteristic. May have cursed him in Arabic. Hoped that God heard my curses and his parts withered. Another grilled chicken sandwich lunch. Waitress said she thought I might be "allergic" to the cheese sauce (why else would I ask for none?) but put it in a little cup on the side anyway. Waited 6 hours and took a puddle jumper home. Taxi cab. 9:00 PM: Time for exercises! (I had BETTER get that job...geeeeez. I don't find out for 4 weeks though.)

Ruh-roh (day 86)

2009-10-25T20:47:00.000-07:00

It's been bit of a Pcpisaster these last couple of days. Wait, wait, I still have a ticket for this wagon, come baaaaaaaaccckkkkk...

Luck (day 84)

2009-10-23T07:00:00.001-07:00

Wish me luck!

Gnomes (day 82)

2009-10-21T09:08:00.000-07:00

I woke up at four am to a massive thunderstorm and the phrase "the tiny gnome kingdom of Kyrgyzstan is living in your nostrils!" echoing in my head.

Today I want to talk a little bit about my hobby in the PCP banner. In my picture, I'm standing overlooking a ancient city in the Sahara desert, but I feel like a bit of a travel poseur. I enjoy it, but I can count the number of countries I've been to on two hands. In the other hobby picture I sent Patrick I'm squinched up on a tree branch, reading a blue book. (It's actually a repurposed book on anesthesia in which I pasted maps to Paris cheese and butterfly stores!) I love to read.

My first suggestion was that you read David Mitchell, for his sheer imagination and inventiveness. One of the authors that Mitchell looks up to, and rightly so, is Vladimir Nabokov. I would exhort, beg, and plead that you read Nabokov! Please start out with: Pale Fire, Lolita, Invitation to a Beheading, The Real Life of Sebastian Knight, Pnin, and Speak, Memory. Although Nabokov's son was an opera star, Nabokov didn't enjoy music. I don't think you need music when you have rainbows suspended in your brain. Nabokov was a synesthete, which means that your brain mixes up two sensations, such as taste and sound. A trumpet squeal might taste like pickles, or the tinkle of a music box might taste of sugar. In Nabokov's case, each letter of the alphabet had a particular hue, as Jean Holabird illustrates here. Read him for his dreamy, dripping, luscious prose.

Employed (day 81)

2009-10-20T16:09:00.000-07:00

It took 81 days but I'm finally employed again. This is good since I've been footing 90% of the grocery bill, PCP style. Don't get me wrong, this is one of the best decisions I've made in my life... but now I might be able to actually afford broccoli every day!

Anyway, I'm making sandwiches. I feel a little guilty making sandwiches after doing the PCP. Especially as I've looked at Americans more carefully. There are some sad looking people out there (not that I speak from a position of superiority)! It's like I'm inflicting damage with my sandwiches of death! "Hi, welcome to, what's your name? Bob? Listen, Bob, I'd like to give you this sandwich, but I can't in good conscience. Here, have a water. Go do some pilates. You'll feel better."

One thing I always thought was icky about minimum wage jobs is that they usually don't provide an insurance option. I understand profit-wise why they wouldn't provide it, but I feel like minimum wage workers are some of the people who need it the most. I bought some insurance and even with it I'm still getting dinged for a pre-PCP illness.

Also, if you have dental insurance, I want you to look up into the heavens and say, "thank you, god, for this lovely dental insurance." I can hear (and see) the cavities eating my teeth! Never thought I'd be jealous of dental insurance. Guess I'm getting old.

Zipadeedoodah (day 79)

2009-10-18T18:37:00.000-07:00

The weather outside is what I like to call "white snivel," and I've been devouring a bag of pears. I've been thinking about motivation lately. I like to read health books sometimes (it's easier to read books than actually be healthy), and recently I picked up one by Dr. Weil. In it, he suggests brewing ginger tea to...I forget, improve your liver fungus health or something. I actually went out and bought a little piece of ginger. A little piece of ginger that sat and molded and molded until I threw it away.

Why is it that books and other media forms have failed for me, but the PCP works? Is it because a public forum is holding me accountable? Is it the amount of grocery money I've invested in my body? Is it that I get to pretend someone is thinking, "gee, I sure hope that Jessica flosses her teeth and exercises tonight!" Is it the force of habit? Is it seeing the effects that healthy living brings? Good things to figure out before day 90. Hmm...

Anyway, as for the indulgence, the consensus is: meal. AND A PITCHERFUL OF REAL CREAM, STRAIGHT! I'm going to ask for an extension on this one since I'm going to A REAL CITY on day 84-86.

Also, I like to jumprope to this song and pretend my jumps are shaking the room. The funny thing is that jumping too deeply causes my Ipod to change tracks. So one minute I'll be kicking ass and shaking the room in my imagination and the next, I'M A GUMMI BEAR BA BA DOOBIE DOOBIE YUM YUM!
(see especially 0:58)

Contem-plate-tion (day 77)

2009-10-16T13:29:00.000-07:00

After two years straight of dreaming of gooey pies, savory sausages, and delectable cakes, it surprises me that I don't really care about indulgence #3. So fellow PCPers: decide for me.

Should I eat ten Twinkies off a mirror? Should I have a 1,000 calorie ice cream-lobster-cheese-hot fudge-pickle-pancake? Within reason, it's up to you; don't let me down. (Act now and I'll throw in a 400 calorie bonus from indulgence #2!)

Indulgence #3: Patrick has spoken (day 75)

2009-10-14T20:42:00.000-07:00

A j-o-b job (day 73)

2009-10-12T17:20:00.000-07:00

On the positive side, I can fit into size 11 pants now. On the negative side, after tomorrow's interview they will be size 11 Walmart pants at my sandwich shop job.
It's like I've died and gone to English major hell! I'll read more Sir Walter Scott! I'll never use another semi-colon incorrectly; again I promise! (Money for Japan at least. Yap yap.) And now...

The intervention that needs to happen:

PCP group: So, about all that honey you've been eati-
Jessica: WHY DO YOU TAKE AWAY EVERYTHING I LOVE!?!?
MINE!!!

I've decided to put myself on a honey ban (except for breakfast). No more bee frat party in my mouth. What to eat with plain low-fat yogurt? It tastes like sour cream (and barf). I tried mixing baked apple in it, but that kinda tastes like old washrags. Ideas?

Failure isn't a number (day 71)

2009-10-10T17:38:00.000-07:00

After several days of Japanese study, I am highly confident that I can say "the horse is running" and "egg." I like how this is useful in any situation.

Japanese person: Hi, where are you from?
Me: The horse is running.
Japanese person: Uh... nice to meet you.
Me: Egg!

(The wind blows and a gaggle of pikachus hops by to drink from abandoned cartons of miruku)

I was drooling honey over my (whole grain) Cheerios the other day, trying to touch each cheerio with a tiny golden filament and wishing for a honey spider. My mom looked over my shoulder and commented, "you have such self control." I made a Scooby Doo face. "What do you mean? I'm trying to get the most area out of this freakin' bear." "No," she explained, "I mean I wouldn't be able to do your diet. I would cheat and eat cookies."

She's made other comments, like "wow, you are working so hard" or "you are too hardcore!" My response to that is: I like kittens and tickles! Also, you totally get extra hardcore points if your mom says it. The hardest core thing I do is make sweat angels on my kitchen floor between floorjumps. It is so funny sometimes to hear other people's reactions to the PCP. I think what we're doing is very sensible, like packing an extra pair of black socks in case your feet get cold. Wow, I should go into marketing: THE PCP! VERY SENSIBLE! LIKE PACKING AN EXTRA PAIR OF SOCKS!

P.S. Uh, Patrick, I may be really bad at math but even I know you can't multiply a number by a word (5 x failure). That's like saying 9 x spoon. So I'm just gonna pretend that wasn't on the workout sheet to make you feel better.

(I would milk that honey spider every day).

One bean, TOOTHBRUSH... (day 69)

2009-10-08T11:41:00.000-07:00

Gosh, I can't believe there are only 20 days left in the program! My mom said, "aren't you nervous?" I was a little worried, because I am not tough. I prefer my paps unbloodied and my asparagus for lunch. In my past fantasies, I wanted to live in a library and every day a man would come by with the cake truck and a cuckoo clock would chime "cake time" and little animals would come out of the wall to sing him a greeting. He would wear a blue hat and Wednesday would be pie day. AGGGHHHH TOOTHBRUSH!

These days I would like a little purple badge that says "no cake club". Sure, part of my motivation to eat and exercise right now is pretending (or maybe not pretending) that 15 people are judging me if my gut expands. But it's also
the absence of stabbing pains in my side every month, the sleeping better, the increased energy, and the chance at a healthy life. So no, I'm not really worried.

Yesterday I was finally able to wear some nice new clothes as I walked around town searching for jobs. They fit really well! I wore a cute black dress, cute black coat, and tights. Unfortunately my town is mostly a long drag of hamburger restaurants, poker halls with broken windows, and real estate businesses. I looked a little funereal. It started to rain, and then I just smelled like wet hamburgers and wool. At least the manager at the sandwich shop was impressed.

Heh heh, I finally got a Japanese language program. I'll really wow 'em if I get a Japan job interview: "The little boy swims! Blue car! Blue car! Three three three!"

Gambatte ne!

Zombies (day 67)

2009-10-06T13:25:00.000-07:00

I have been taking long walks to get out of the house while I'm waiting to hear back from a job I submitted a resume to. If I hear back from them it should take up to two weeks, so that's a lot of walking! I really miss jogging, but I don't want to mess up my knee again. What's strange is that my toe has just randomly swelled up for the past few days for reasons only known to itself. Ouch! The body is so weird sometimes.

Today my back hurt and it took me a while to realize that we did back exercises yesterday. Yay! Some exercises (for me) are immediately painful, like floor jumps, and others, mostly back work, are more painful the next day.

In honor of seeing the movie Zombieland tomorrow, I would like to announce that according to a reputable quiz, I am 80% likely to survive a zombie attack. This is probably due my increased cardiovascular fitness and hypothetical ability to wield a flamethrower. Thanks, Peak Condition Project!

Remember, when you peak, you win! (day 64)

2009-10-03T14:52:00.000-07:00

After a few "meh" days on the PCP I just wanted to reclarify some things for myself and jot down a few thoughts (meh meaning a little too much low fat cheese, a little too much honey, a little too less effort):

-New pictures up.

-Baked apples are delicious. Try one today: http://www.wikihow.com/Make-a-Baked-Apple . Put those Honey Crisps to good use!

-I sure am eating a lot of yogurt. Sometimes I speculate with my mom why a few minor aspects of my diet are the way they are. Our conversations go like this: Me: "soooo much yogurt, why?" Mom: "because it's good for you." Me: "Coffee?" Mom: "maybe Patrick thinks you like it." Me: "why so much food?" Mom: "maybe you should cut the diet in half." Haha, bad news, I know.

-I never want to drink soda again.

-Once the PCP ends I am going to eat less, but still healthily. If there is not much healthy food around the house I'd rather not eat. I'll try to keep my own supply of healthy foods if I can.

-I won't be in Peak Condition by the time the PCP ends. BUT!!!
-I will know:

a.) how to cook and feed myself heathily
b.) how to work out to get to Peak Condition
c.) that I want to keep going on the path to fitness
d.) that my life is 100% healthier than when I started

-The further I get into the PCP, the less I want to go back to eating unhealthy foods. Why waste my effort? Why feel like crap again?

-On that note, people keep asking when I can "let up" on my diet. I don't want to let up! Not this month, not next month, etc. If anything, I want to be a little stricter.

-I put myself on a scale ban because weighing yourself two or three times a day is silly and not healthy.

-Rock on, guys!

Let's pretend this commercial isn't completely about sex:

Mr. Twinkles (Day 62)

2009-10-01T20:02:00.000-07:00

Communities can be vital, lively sources of feedback and encouragement. But sometimes, depending on conflicts in time and distance or the rarity of your interest, you might find that you are the only blue-haired cat tamer in your city. Or in our case, PCPer. When that "complete" stamp goes up on our picture, it's up to us to keep steaming our zucchini, sweating through another Plank or taking Mr. Twinkles through the flaming hoop one more time. So what can we do in this situation? I struggle with this question a lot. I'm sure that Patrick will have some helpful advice once we get there, but I am trying to come up with some answers for myself.

1.) Realize that your actions got you this far. It's not somebody else's hand feeding you the last egg white of the evening or scraping your quivering ab pecs off of the floor. Similarly, it will be your actions that keep your jumprope oiled and your steamer gleaming. At the same time, appreciate the time, care, and encouragement you received in the PCP community. I know I do.

2.) Build your own community. A community doesn't have to be made of people, unless it's Soylent Green. Your can create your own community from books and articles that support your interests and videos that inspire. Mike, for example, shows a "Monday Motivational Movie" every week. Nothing can fully replace a teacher or human community, but these can be good resources in a pinch.

~~3.) Stroke Mr. Twinkles and cry because you are alone, so very, very alone.~~

3.) Be stubborn. Continue even if you think nobody cares. You don't know who is watching you. If Patrick and the other PCPers hadn't put in the effort every day I wouldn't have signed up here. Similarly, that cashier at the local Kmart might be looking for ways to get healthy, or maybe your cousin wants to lose 10 pounds. My mom told me that she stopped drinking Coke because of me. So steam your kale and pound through those sit-ups.

I'm no Superman (Day 60)

2009-09-29T17:02:00.001-07:00

Today I was walking home from the library past some apartment complexes when I smelled a strong concentration of natural gas. "That's odd," I thought. I waited for the smell to dissipate but it instead increased in intensity and spread up the street. I began debating what to do. Should I tell someone? Should I ignore it? Then I remembered an old Zen is Stupid episode that suggested that we look at the motivation behind our first thoughts in these situations. "O.k," I reasoned, "maybe I am just being lazy. What if there is a gas leak? I could save children!" Spider senses tingling, I raced home and dialed the gas company. They arrived an hour later and asked me to point them to the area of the "leak". I gestured vaguely at the apartment complexes. The smell was gone.

"Do you know what that is across the street?" they asked. "Uh...an electrical building?" I guessed. One of the technicians chuckled. "Yes... and behind that is a sewage treatment plant!" My little brother isn't here so I'll say it for him: "IDIOT." Natural gas indeed.

Meditation, Japanese learning, and PCP continue apace. I'm not loving the slow jumpropes. I like to spaz out and jump as fast as I can, so I save that for the last minute or two of jumping. I almost reached muscle failure with my legs the other day. One of them was shaking so badly I had trouble standing on the band for Da Vinci's. I tried to reach it with my Katanas last night. It's strange. I would get a good burn and then not be able to lift the band all the way up and continue with half reps. Then I would do my pause, get a few full reps in, then have to continue at half reps. I guess next time I'll keep half-repping it until my muscles won't move anymore...

I would like to pass the curse of the Banana Boat song on to some other beginning meditator.

Japanese people, please kindly remove the characters "oh," "nu," and "nay" from your alphabet as they are difficult to write and I dislike them.

I've been flossing every day to keep away the nano particles. I haven't seen the article about this particular benefit of flossing, but Patrick explains things well and by this point I trust him enough that if he said that vigorously picking your nose for five minutes a day was healthful for your spleen I would probably do it. Don't worry Pat, I've got that one covered. Finger guns, wink.

I bring the crazy (Day 56)

2009-09-25T18:51:00.000-07:00

I went to the unemployment office today. I walked in the door and they were like, "wow! A sarcastic English major! There's been a shortage, and we just love your bad attitude! You're just what we're looking for." And then the whole office stood up and applauded.

I also went to the playground today for a more thorough check for small pull-up bars and there are now 10 little holes in our door frame where the screw hit the concrete and an unused Gold's Gym pull-up bar in my closet. I jumped up on the big pull-up bar and flailed around for a few seconds before concluding, "nope, still too fat." I also snapped my jumprope a few days back. The leather was worn through. Yeah, PCP tradition and all that. Where's the jumprope fairy?

Tonight I might put an extra dollop of honey in my yogurt. I'll foil you yet, Reynolds! BWAHAHAHAHAH!!!!

Embracing the suck (day 55)

2009-09-24T00:41:00.000-07:00

Curses, pants, cursing pants (day 54)

2009-09-23T20:46:00.000-07:00

Re: today’s educational Patrick e-mail: I thought up a good pickup line for a health store: “hey baby, how 'bout I be the anti-oxidant to your free radical?”

Tiny frustrations abound these days. Today I was tugging at my pant leg with a little tear in my eye. “Pants,” I bemoaned, “why do you hate me, Pants?” One of the indicators of fitness on the PCP litmus test is how our pants fit. I started a size 14, and I am still…size 14. Curse my pants.

I have also developed the worrying habit of lifting up my shirt when I pass a mirror. It used to be to check for ab definition, but now it’s more compulsive. What if I’m in a shopping mall post-PCP and catch my reflection and then I’m flashing the mannequins at Nordstrom?

Speaking of curses, it occurred to me that Patrick seems to want to be cursed. He’s always saying things like “bring it on” or “I can take it.” I would never curse Patrick. But I do curse my lousy lousy form (yes I look in a mirror)(with my shirt on), curse my inability to do a pushup right, curse the Perfect Pushup bars, curse the pullup, curse failing muscle failure, and triple curse the pistol squat, which seems to change form and intensity every time I try to get it right. If you would like to curse these things, I give you:

Useful Curses in a Minor Arabic Dialect:

Gssar amarak: May god shorten your life.
(This a catchall phrase, used for children, animals, cab drivers, inanimate objects, and annoying people.)
Yah-hrek…: May god burn (insert phrase)
Wirk: Ass
Eeyatiik hnesh: May god give you a snake.
Ane nithammen nte yejbar (hnesh) vi sirwaltak: I hope you find a snake in your pants. (haha)

But why stop at snake (hnesh)? How about goat (anz), cat (moosh), or sheep (kebsh?) If you want an antidote to the curse, just say “mahu vali” or, “may it not be so, it was just a joke, I'm kidding.” Want a blessing? Say "salaamu-alleykum" or "peace be upon you."

Yesterday I failed at muscle failure. Does failing at failing mean you succeed? Or does it just take you out to another special level of failure, like an F-? And is that a form of success in itself? I think the lesson we all learned here today is AAAAAAAGGGGHHHH CURSE PATRICK CURSE PATRICK!!!!!!!!!!!

(Mahu vali).

To give you a reference I'm somewhere between a snake and a mongoose and...a panther! (Day 53)

2009-09-22T21:29:00.000-07:00

Today's hiragana letter: Ah, written as a T and a squiggle fish, one of the letters in one of the Japanese alphabets. Only 47 more letters to go in this alphabet. And I studied "i" which looks like a nose and the line beside your mouth when you smile.

Meditating in the morning was ok, probably better than meditating at night. I hope I'm doing it right; I read about one guy who closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep to 'meditate,' every day for 10 years until he met a teacher.

I tried to go for muscle failure today with my legs. I squatted, pistol squatted, crept, and even threw in a few floor jumps. Those suckers wouldn't fail! I mean, they couldn't complete some of my pistol squats, but afterward I could still floor jump. I did fall forward a lot. It was very intense the whole workout, closer to what I'm looking for. I think I'm losing some weight... down to 157. I hope it maintains and keeps dropping. This is good, since I feel like having a lower body weight could help me do cool things with it.

Bhava tanha (Day 52)

2009-09-21T20:45:00.000-07:00

Hey look, it's Patrick on that peak over there! No wait, it's just a Nene bird.

These next few days I am going to be embracing the suck big time. (Not that that sounds like a karma sutra term or anything, ahem.) First, I'm learning how to drive. This is something that most kids learn when they are sixteen and not, uh...shut up. I nearly hyperventilate every time I change lanes.

Next, I'm going to try to learn to read and write a few Japanese characters every day. My parents, and hopefully me might be moving there for different reasons. They have like, three different alphabets. Lots of room for suck.

I want to try out a real pullup again at the playground, not just a modified table one.

I'm going to go for muscle failure, even if this means doing extra sets.

I'm going to start meditating in the morning for ten minutes instead of five minutes at night. And re-learn the basics of Buddhism. Anyone have a good Buddhism basics book they can point me to?

I'm going to try to get a job.

Show me a Jessica trying to learn something and I'll show you this cat trying to get a drink of water (ok, I just wanted an excuse to post this.):

Hang loose. Or ten. Or something.

P.S. added new week 7 photo

She acts like she's the queen, and we're the sorry people! (day 51)

2009-09-20T22:58:00.000-07:00

Here's a few interesting things:

1.) The "Bacon is Good for You" downloadable remix, see Mike's blog for reference.

2.) The anti-PCP, the Darth to our Luke, also known as the Fat Project This project has been taken off the web since its creation, but you can read about it at Salon.com. "The Fat Project challenged [two people] to gain 30 pounds in 30 days for $3,000. Site visitors could read project updates, consider "scientific" weight-gain charts, check out progressive photos of the contestants and chat on lively message boards."

Yesterday I managed to eat some unbearably salty airport turkey for my meat grams, as well as some late yogurt and a cheese sandwich. Not the greatest, but the best I could manage at the time. I ended up waking up at noon today. Repercussions from vacation include: missing eggs, missing breakfast and snack, and sunburn as well as a toll on my body clock. I'm a little worried 'cause behind my ear is swollen. I'd like to think it's from snorkel mask irritation. The internet says I need surgery for mastondonitis or something. Thanks, internet.

Realizations of the last few days:

-I'm trying to work down to the point that some PCPeeps were when they started, then I'll go from there.
-The PCP is not just 90 days, or even 125.
-After getting into a few big arguments over somebody close to me's personal habits, I realized that I can't change somebody by lecturing them. It's up to them if they want to or not.

Oh, and E? I thought of you a lot in Hawaii cause of that funny comic you posted... There was a bird called the Nene bird. Oh nay nay!

Woo! (day 50)

2009-09-19T12:40:00.000-07:00

First I want to ask forgiveness from Henry, my surfing buddy for the day, who was not sketchy but AWESOME. Mahalo, Henry, you crazy 60 year old Hawaiin dude. You can call me Thunderbird (my surfing nickname, haha) anytime. I caught the first two waves of my life and learned a few surfing basics, like pushing up on the board, that I am a goofy foot and trying to balance. And I beat my dad out in the water on the tiredness scale, so that felt good. I wasn't that tired at all, and for the rest of the day it felt like there were waves around me as I walked. Good times, good times.

Finished my workout this morning. No way that I'm going to get my morning or afternoon meat or yogurt or veggies or many carbs in, which is a bummer. My dad refused to get a new carton or yogurt or meat so we wouldn't waste it. So I will be a hungry Jessica on that flight home.

Poi (day 49)

2009-09-18T12:56:00.000-07:00

Last night I had poi, supposedly one of the blander foods in existence. To me, it tasted deeply smoky, like barbecue. I managed to make a luau meal of corn, purple yams, and pineapple. It was crazy how much shit they added to foods I thought were safe, like zucchini. The day before yesterday we drove up a 10,000 foot volcano, yesterday we did some more snorkeling (I screamed when I saw a giant sea turtle), and today we're having sketchy surfing lessons from a random guy from my dad's church.

Tomorrow's going to be hard with an all-day flight... we're getting in at 11pm. I'm not looking forward to my indulgence. I don't need it! Get it away, get it away! Last night at the luau I was having crazy thoughts like, "ha ha, I'm too fat to hula but Patrick could totally be up there." I am looking forward to being home with all my usual access to healthy food, exercise space and to reconnect with the PCP bloggers and to read the new PCPers posts. And I want to work harder in the workouts!

Sunburn (day 46)

2009-09-15T20:05:00.000-07:00

Spent the day in the car listening to a chirpy recorded c.d. guy named Craig expound on the wonders of Hawaiin electrical poles as we slowly drove around the island for six hours. We stopped in front of a Soto Buddhist Temple, the closest I've ever been to a real, non-Tibetan sangha. It looked pretty serious, so we didn't go inside. I brought all my snacks and lunch and my younger bro wants you to know that I ate 4 extra grapes. As he reached for them he punched my arm and screamed, "I'M TELLING PHIL! I'M TELLING PHIL!" Good to know I have my family on my side.

Yesterday we went snorkeling and I woke up sunburned and dazed later in the evening and did my workout. That was the worst...poor poor me.

Shark (day 44)

2009-09-13T20:18:00.000-07:00

I dutifully printed out the workouts and have been working out in the hotel room to light mauve sheets of Patrick planking, v-sitting, and uh...Patricking. The diet was a little rocky before we got to Costco...no major slipups, but I had to compress several meals into one. I have been eating a little more honey than I should. How much more honey? Imagine flotillas of plastic empty bear bottles off the coast of Hawaii. I've been telling my family that if I go off my diet "Patrick will come through the computer screen and PUNCH ME IN THE FACE."
Yesterday I was swimming by the beach with my family. I'm normally not afraid of sharks, but this week is special. My brother lectured me: "Jessica, be serious. You have more chance of being trampled by a pig than being bitten by a shark. I read the guidebook." He kept sarcastically grabbing my leg and laughing and swimming away. I rolled my eyes and said "har har har." The joke got old. Then, guess what; I saw a FUCKING FIN coming at me through the water.

PCP Jessica's Guide to Victory Over Sharks:

1.) Run flailing out of the water
2.) Point and scream shark until people notice
3.) Keep screaming shark

People were on the beach snapping pictures like crazy. It didn't look like a big shark, but jeez. At least now I get to say smug things like, "Oh, what's that little bro? No sharks? Is that a shark I hear out in the water?"

Pie (day 41)

2009-09-10T21:55:00.000-07:00

I don't know what evil genie was cursing my astrological sign yesterday, but it was full of cravings and a strong aversion to exercise. I read Patrick's new post after the waves of chili lust wore off. Treat our cravings like mischievous neighborhood children...

"Mister! Mister! We've got pie!"
"Get the hell off my brain-lawn!"
"It's pie, mister, marion berry pie!"

My cravings are more like these guys, less genteel, more elemental...

When I have cravings I go to This is Why You're Fat and the heartburn I get just from looking at the pictures makes the cravings stop. Nah... Patrick's article makes more sense.

You can be a big pig too...OY! (day 40)

2009-09-09T10:15:00.000-07:00

I will be packing my resistance band, pushup bars, shorts and sports bra and heading to Hawaii on Saturday (12th-19th) for a family vacation. My dad knows about the PCP, so one of the first stops we're making is Costco. Nice one, dad! I'm pretty nervous about getting my workouts in, especially on luau night. What if 300 pound Hawaiins surround me and force me to eat the roast pig? I'm hoping to do a lot of swimming, bodysurfing and maybe even some surfing if I can convince my little bro to tutor me in the ways of cowabunga.

After the vacation it's back to busy real life, and while I know all life is real life, I mean looking for a job for hours a day, building up my rapidly dwindling bank account, learning how to drive and being a productive citizen real life. I've been putting it off until after the vacation because, well, "hey boss, I know I've only been here a month, but I need a week off to go to Hawaii."

The JET (Japanese English Teachers) program opens in late September, and if the application process is anything like the last application process I went through (wisdom teeth out, multiple doctor's visits, blood drawn, essays, protracted interviews) I'm rolling my eyes already and steeling myself.

I loved Japan when I last visited it though, the people I met, the cities, the public transportation, the style of houses, the shrines, the food, the kawaii... Sure, some of that would wear off. But it sounds fun, and my parents are working there soon, so they can scope it out for me. I heard good things from my former co-workers about the program, and I really liked teaching when the kids responded at all to my efforts to teach creatively. Or when they responded at all. I think I would be so happy with a class of mostly attentive, quiet kids who don't start screaming meows when they hear the word "noun," or hit each other, or talk over their classmates, or talk through the entire class. "Class, this is a noun." "Ne-owwwn." "Me-ow!" "ME-OW!"

Tired of tired (day 38)

2009-09-07T20:14:00.000-07:00

When I see something like this:

My natural response isn't "WHOA! RIGHTEOUS!! GET ME A PARACHUTE!" it's "Take a nap! Take a nap! Defensive pillow!"

I have been feeling low-level tired for the PCP, especially lately. I think that I have always been a lethargic-type person, more inclined to curl up with a book than party. Maybe I'm a little more in touch with my body and feeling it more these days.
And I have to say that low level tired is an upgrade from two years of 5-6 hour every day naps in 110 degree heat. The cultural mindset of the last two years was, "if you can't finish something today, no worries. How about next month? 3 hours or never isn't too late for an appointment." Before that I was in college, working two jobs and going to school full time, pounding down so much caffeine that I would get heart palpitations.

I liked the rush of feeling stressed like I had important things to do, but I realize now that that's not necessary. The world wasn't going to explode if I didn't get my "Symbology in Dickens" paper written. At the opposite end of the spectrum, it just wasn't healthy to lay in a puddle of my own nap sweat for six hours. So I guess these days I'm looking for a balance between cracked out and slug. Eating right, sleeping enough and exercising are making my body feel better in all ways, but I'm still tired.

So I have lots of questions for myself and others. Are some people naturally more energetic or can you re-create yourself to be more energetic? What can I do to be more active? Sure, I do the PCP workout, but then I sit for long periods of time.(My answer now would be an uncreative "uh...go for a walk?) I would think that being active all day would send signals to your body to perk up. Is there a certain point in the PCP where energy levels start to ramp up? Is energy more personality or a physical trait?

I need less of this:

And more of whatever the hell Nike is selling in this ad. I think it is warthogs and savanna animals. Maybe if I buy their shoes I'll be more athletic! And just like the people on the commercial! Just kidding. Don't buy Nike. But damn are they good at marketing...

(Sorry Mike, if you had this on the lineup)

Oh hey, guess when I'm going to be jumproping tomorrow. Bright and early! Fat begone, fat begone! Once I buy those Nike socks... Nah, but here is a gospel tune to pace your jumps to:

Gospel tune

Shrimp (Day 37)

2009-09-06T14:38:00.000-07:00

Farmed shrimp: I imagine them in a pool of cow runoff, buried deep in their fetid sleeping nests. A taciturn farmer shifts off the covers and stretches his aching legs in the cool morning air. "Well," he mutters, "ty-im to feed the shrimps." He grabs his bucket of industrial grade Glurge and whistles sharply into the dark waters. The pool churns as their tiny pulsating bodies rise to the top. Suddenly, the air is alight with their fluorescent green shells and filled with chirrups as they raise their antennae to the scent of food... End scene.

That was my lunch of farmed shrimp...mmm. The Mexican wild caught shrimp are 12$ a pound. For that price I could hire a fishing boat to Mexico and catch the little bastards with my bare hands.

I dragged my little sister on a walk today at 7am. "Come oooonnnn," I cajoled. "It'll be fun. We need to get out of the house." Which is true. Right now we are big couch rats, surfing the internet for far too much time, or sitting on our bums reading. So we walked up the street and I got coffee and she got granola. We walked much further down the road when a few raindrops started falling. I was lecturing her how bad protein bars were for her. (Nobody likes a new convert zealot.) Suddenly, there was a massive downpour with thunder and lightening and when we got home I could pour water out of my shoes and my pants jeans were black with water. See if she ever joins me again.

I posted new week 5 pictures as well as one of some massive zucchinis we found on the roadside for free. Every week you can see a little more ab definition, which is strange to me 'cuz it definitely doesn't look that way when I stare down at my stomach. Last night I couldn't get fully upright for the pistol squat. Those puppies are insane!

Diet (day 35)

2009-09-04T17:22:00.000-07:00

I was always one of those kids in school who had some idea of what was going on, but not the entire picture. Like the time the teacher sent me with a pass and a stack of papers to the teacher's lounge to make copies and I came back with 300 copies of the pass. Or the time I spent 8 hours making a collage of house cats when we were supposed to choose a wild animal. I had 8 wasted hours and all those little domestic kitties running around. So I kind of want to see what other PCPers eat for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and give you an idea of what I've been eating on the PCP. Just in case.

Here's today's menu:

Breakfast: Egg on toast, steamed kale, whole grain Cheerios with milk/honey
Snack: Watermelon, grapes, egg white
Lunch: My own version of shrimp scampi, two (whole grain, lowfat) cheese sandwiches, yam fries, egg white
Snack: A plum, egg white
Dinner: Chicken, a little cottage cheese, steamed zucchini or brussel sprouts
Snack: Apple, milk, egg white

VS.

Here's today's pre-PCP menu:

Breakfast: Cap'n Crunch with milk
Snack: Pie
Drink: Orange juice
Lunch: Salad with feta cheese and dressing
Later lunch: Cheese on chips with sour cream
Later later lunch: More cheese chips with sour cream
Snack: Rice Krispy Treat
Snack: Watermelon
Drink: Beer
Dinner: Steak fried in butter, steamed zucchini with cheese, bread with butter
Snack: Popcorn
Drink: Orange juice

Exercise now: Every day various 52 minute (I'm down 2 minutes!) combinations, like 4x16=64 repetitions of curls, planks, v-sits etc.

Exercise then: Occasional jogging for 30 min.

What's really nice about the PCP is that I'm eating all the time, but healthily. If you'll notice the pre-PCP menu, you'll see my breakfast is woefully inadequate. This sets me up for later failure when I try to eat a healthy salad. I feel deprived and then eat two servings of cheese chips. Then that leads to a craving for something sweet, then for something else sweet, and it snowballs.

I haven't gone off the diet at all, but I still have cravings. I'm not gonna lie. Last night I was dreaming of pools of hot fudge over soft serve ice cream. It kinda sucks, but like I said before, the PCP diet has you constantly eating so there's no chance to feel deprived and run to the nearest Dairy Queen. And I'm sure I would have pre-PCP. My resolve to eat healthy would have lasted all of two seconds before I would have pushed old ladies away to belly up to the nearest McDonald's or Burgerville. So while I have cravings, I realize they're fleeting and that all it will take is a good plum to quiet the wolfhounds of desire. Wow...

PCP fail (Day 34)

2009-09-03T11:42:00.000-07:00

Rambling...

These days I'm feeling more like Gloopy the Molasses Monster when I need to be channeling Lord Licorice. It's weird, I never thought of myself as overweight. It wasn't until I looked at some pictures where I was feeling good and wearing a cute new top from France that I realized that somewhere along the line I became overweight. Someday I'll post that picture. I looked at my BMI for the first time and I couldn't believe the actual weight I am supposed to be around for my height. Right now I'm 5 '3 and 163 and I should be around the 140s or 30s.

Anyway, I cut my workout down from a burning, clean the floor with my sweaty cheek hour &1/2 to a panting the whole time, sweating, burning (and a little shaking) 54 minutes. It felt good...BUT I want to cut it to 1/2 hour and I want to shake, in Amy's words, like a cracked out chihuahua, my little jelly eyeballs quivering. Those darned jumpropes take a long time! I remember the first few days of the PCP where I had to walk sideways down the stairs because my legs hurt so bad. Where are those days?

Maybe I need to pretend that the stakes are as dire in this next video. Although I'm not using my body to hunt food, to run away from vikings, or to fight, I need to remember that I'm running away from the future dangers of heart disease, diabetes (my grandma has it), and cancer. And running to...hopefully something good.

A little Thursday motivational video, stealing Mike's muse:

Guest post by my little sister (Day 31)

2009-08-31T22:03:00.000-07:00

So I was telling Patrick yesterday how awesome my family was and how they help me in the PCP. My younger sister reads this blog shamelessly, spots me when I do my Plank, takes dorky pictures of me, and steals my nectarines. I see your sneaky little paws... Anyway, she is here with her friend, and I asked her to come up with something related to exercise, fitness, and my PCP-ing. Take it away, Lulubell...
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Poem
31 days ago Jessica said "NO!"
Her one time friends are now her foes
Fritos, Tostidos, and even Cheetos
Are now on her list of things to veto
She no longer channels Danny DeVito

She flexes her muscles and sticks out her bum
Coz diet and exercise are barrels of fun
V-sits, planks, lunges and squats
Make her body full of knots

Yet every day she pushes on
Eating her veggies from dusk til dawn
Eating and beating
Defeating her flab

Making her body Peak Condition fab!

Also they want me to add this:

MALAYSIA FRIND(Day 28)

2009-08-28T17:23:00.000-07:00

The Stages of Cheesecake Consumption may include:

Seeing the face of god:

Grief:

Nyorm num num:

Spent the last few days fighting a nasty trojan virus on this computer. I think it is GIVE #@MONY TO MALAYSIA FRIEND FRIRRRRND gone. Heheh. I made E's tomato sauce last night!!! There were tomatoes seeds dripping from the walls when I was done squeezing them. Tonight I will eat Amy's beets, 375 degrees, 30 min covered in foil...mmm.

I have been enjoying everyones''' (where does the apostrophe go?? I should know!!) blogs and empathizing, like E for example has the same knee stuff and katakana? katanka? kanakata? challenges that I do... (We play kanakata every day at the old folk's home!) And of course the rest of you lot have my affection too. ;) :D

Congrats day 90 people, you all look amazing! I am really happy that our new diet has unlimited vegetables for dinner, gasp gasp!! I never thought that I would say this, but I hate my daily cheese and like my veggies. I would have begged Patrick on my knees for cheese at the beginning, but he is tricky, that fellow.

Indulgence:
So, I decided uncreatively on cheesecake. The first few bites were amazing, and then slowly lost their power to delight. Oh, but how bravely I soldiered on. The cheesecake felt cold in my stomach...really weird. I then passed out in what can only be described as a cheesecake coma for three hours. That night when I slept I had nightmares and woke up to the sound of dream-screams.

Oh, and also my perturbed equine visage is enpustulated in wens this week. Aka my cranky horse face is covered in zits, just like Patrick said it might be AHHH! Wooo...just breathe and release the toxins I guess. I posted new pictures!

Sad dog face (Day 25)

2009-08-25T11:35:00.000-07:00

Maybe our indulgence will get rid of the frequent PCP nightmares I've been having where I'm driving around in a pizza delivery truck. I have other dreams where I am eating a non-PCP approved food and wake myself up in a panic; "no, noooo, chocolate raisins aren't approved..." I'm deliberating my indulgence Mr. Burns style. Cheesecake? Excellllent. I like that we have to eat our indulgence before sunset. It's like, "they ate their cake after the night fell. Thus began the rise of the CHEESECAKE VAMPIRES."

Am still cursing my knee. It doesn't hurt too much, just makes odd creaking crunchy noises as I squat. Oh god, will it explode when I floorjump? Oh, and my poor little sister came home from a trip pestilent with something, just waiting to attack my system. Will I get the pestilence? WILL I?!??

Nah, totes kidding. I think that it's runner's knee, judging by E's pictures (thanks for that site, E). Or the Hanta virus, judging by WebMD. Ha, my mom told me to nut up, so nut up I shall.

World's worst Hooker

2009-08-23T08:15:00.000-07:00

RAAAH! HULK SMASH HULK SMASH! I've been a little frustrated today and yesterday because my right knee is hurting and a little stiff and my right foot and ankle are all stiff from meditating. It isn't that bad, but I'm kind of angry at myself for running. I stretched a lot, but try telling that to my reproachful eyes. I thought of E to give me courage and am going to buy a knee brace and keep RICE-ing it.

I once joined a rugby team because my friends invited me and I had it confused with lacrosse. Imagine my surprise when there were no sticks. I was absolutely terrified of getting hit, and I literally bounced off the front of girls whenever I tried to tackle. I carried fake Halloween blood in my pocket the one game they wanted to put me in (they didn't), just in case I was getting hit too much. I wondered why blood was dripping from my pocket the next day in English class. Did I mention that I didn't believe in underage drinking? Apparently rugby people enjoy alcohol. At every afterparty I would carry my glass of water and sit in a corner.

My coach never explained the basics of the game to me, so whenever I went on the field the other players would just yell until I got in the right spot. I kept waiting for someone to take me aside and explain the rules better than "today we're going to run an Elephant Fire Truck Fleaflicker to the left, GO!", but somehow it never happened. I was busy working and going to school, and wikipedia was no help. The season ended with a drunken speech from my coach about how I was "the backbone of the team, and you'll take us all to Disneyland." I was the world's worst Hooker, but I stubbornly finished out that damned season with my cups of water. Rugby was good exercise.

p.s. Patrick, there is a playground, but no bars for incline pullups.

Strictly bizness (day 21)

2009-08-21T21:25:00.000-07:00

Today I decided to forgo the jumpropes... (AND SIT ON MY COUCH AND EAT CAKE, A GIANT WHITE CAKE WITH RASPBERRY FILLING!!! TOOTHBRUSH!)Instead, I jogged 7.78 miles (12.52 kilometers...gentle sighs from Canadians and the rest of the world). I am impressed with E's knee perserverence and triumphs, Amy's running, Mike's crazy bicycle feats, and Anshu's muscle gain.

Things I have been having trouble with lately include: Eating too much cottage cheese (I'm a fiend I tell ya), not being able to do a pullup or incline pullup (crappy table, slippery hands, not enough strength), bending my arms during Da Vinci's/shoulder exercises, and not eating enough cheese. TOOTHBRUSH, TOOTHRUSH!!!

I put up new pictures. Go, see my crabby face! Today I found that if I squidge my fat rolls together it looks like the smiling face of a Bulbasaur. Hi to Sidney and Fred!

Buddhist Magic (day 18)

2009-08-18T14:06:00.000-07:00

I like brussel sprouts now. Patrick, what have you done to me?!?!? Well, I have you beat! You can't use your Buddhist magic powers on me anymore:

I am so so tricky.

Oh god, I take it back! AHHHHHH!

Just joshin'. This sprout's for you!

Suck-cess (day 16)

2009-08-16T18:04:00.000-07:00

*A "gassho" is a Buddhist bow. Or something. Look, I added new pictures of myself.

Afterthought: After receiving Patrick's undeserved praise, I realized this comic looks like I'm actually bragging about losing 3 pounds. I don't know what the eff my weight is. I think I gained four pounds, and maybe lost two. The scale is a tricky mistress.

Don't eff with Patrick... (day 14)

2009-08-14T12:50:00.000-07:00

A day in the life, Part I (day 12)

2009-08-12T19:57:00.000-07:00

A day in the life of PCP:

Drag my soggy ass to the grocery store.

The hunter becomes the hunted.

Push-up bar disco? Yes please.

Friends until death...

Nothing but muscle

Cottage cheese is a condiment.

A black belt in tongue-fu

For Mike:

Learnin' Stuff (Day 11)

2009-08-10T21:39:00.000-07:00

I’m heading to the library tomorrow for some good readin’ so here is day 11’s post in advance. I still welcome book recommendations. Here is some stuff I learned this week:

1.) Buying healthy foods isn’t that expensive. I thought it would be because I was looking at fancy products, but you can buy vegetables, low fat milk, and meats in bulk. And they’re far, far less deleterious to your health than pizza or 6 cheeseburgers. Ouch.

2.) I have muscles somewhere under my skin. Some of them live in my shoulders and arms, some of them live in my stomach, and some of them live in my legs. I would like to nurture them.

3.) Cooking isn’t as hard as I thought it would be. The trick will be learning how to spice things. I cooked 4 things I’ve never cooked before. I am in danger of overdoing it on olive oil and cottage cheese. Tasty, simple recipes are joyfully accepted. Unless they include shallots. I don’t trust shallots.

4.) I enjoy jumproping a lot, especially to cheesy things like “Give it to you” by Sean Paul and Girl Talk stuff.

5.) I am near a playground with a pull-up bar

6.) You need a special door anchor for your resistance band for certain exercises. Just shutting the door on it won’t work, nor will hanging it on a coat rack hook and pulling. The latter will result in two painful welts on your back until you learn better.

7.) No good thing comes out of using a metal table for incline pullups when your hands are slick with sweat.

8.) Being a beginner at stuff gets under my skin sometimes. Especially when I grab onto a table to help my creaky legs get into lotus and then end up rolling off the zafu like a Weeble. It's like...Buddha...dammit! Consarnit!

9.) According to Michael Pollan, food scientists tend to isolate a particular nutrient/element of a food and tout its helpfulness. This ignores the complex interaction between that element, the rest of the elements, and the human body. We can be pretty sure that vegetables are good for us, though.

Also, I learned that whole grain is not the same as whole wheat. Whole wheat is more refined, and thus contains less nutrients than the whole grain. Multi-grain is pulling similar malarkey. Sneaky bastards.

10.) Low-fat cheese isn’t real cheese. No matter how many times I put my lips to it trying to suck a bit of delicious cheese essence from its pores, it will never become real cheese. Won’t stop me from trying, though.

Finally, RIP PC RIM. Good luck sitemates!

Burn by my MOM (day 10)

2009-08-10T12:30:00.001-07:00

Jessica: Mom, feel my stomach! It's a baby muscle!
Mom: Good job, honey.
Jessica: What should I name it?
Mom: Preemie.

I think these folks love jumproping as much as I do.

Shenanigans (day 9)

2009-08-09T13:34:00.000-07:00

It occurred to me that I haven’t much thought of my inspiration, runner Kara Goucher. And what good’s an inspiration if you don’t use it?

Jessica: Patrick wants us to get really really fat and DIE.
Kara: Hello, sport! Why no, he doesn’t want you to die, he’s just helping your body to retrain—
Jessica: Really really really fat and die--
Magical pink unicorn: Jessica, you’re a gooood person.
Kara: So, I see you’ve been doing your exercises and cooking more than you ever have in your whole life. Congratulations, champ! When you reach day 58 I’ll appear to you in a dream and show you your spirit vegetable.
Magical pink unicorn: I LOVE you!
Jessica: die, diiiiiiiie…
Magical pink unicorn: Together we will sing the praises of yam fries for ever and ever.

Day ate

2009-08-08T15:22:00.000-07:00

Curse you gram scale. It told me to eat like, 9 pieces of bread today.

Breakfast:
Tons of peppers and tomatoes with little egglets mixed in. FAIL
A giant breadwich, like a massive ball of bread FAIL
Milk SUCCESS

A plum. SUCCESS

Lunch:
Garlic salmon FAISESS
Much more bread. One bread slice is only a few grams! FAIL
Yam french fries. So many yam fries. SUCCESS
My tears from eating too much bread SUCCESS

Yam french fries:

http://www.ehow.com/how_5108006_cook-yams-healthily.html

To be continued...
HAN SOLO HO HO HO!

(And also I am just being dramatic. If it takes 9 pieces, or 500 to get me in Peak Condition, I'm there.)

Oh snap! crackle pop (day 7)

2009-08-07T20:55:00.000-07:00

Your cereal is talking to you. It's saying that you too can enjoy the prehistoric hijinks of Fred and his dinosaur pals. It knows that you like bright colors and sugar. Your cheeseburger is talking to your body too, in a perfected language of fat and grease.

Some foods are more agressive then others.

http://www.weebls-stuff.com/toons/choccy/

I didn't realize how addicted I was to some foods until I stepped out of my culture into one where they weren't available. Nearly every day in my last year of college I drank:
1 grande cafe mocha + 2 shots of espresso
1 Redbull
1 tall Monster drink
1 Vanilla Coke
1 coffee
2 shots espresso

I would sit in my yoga class, jittery and miserable, and wondering why yoga wasn't making me calmer. I didn't fully feel the negative effects of these drinks until I went to a faraway place where the only caffeine was Nescafe, and I hated Nescafe. After the final caffeine fumes wore off, I wondered what the hell I'd been doing. Was I some secret superhero that I needed all that extra energy? My body was so happy to be free of the constant adrenaline rush. Since I've returned to the US I've only had a few coffees and I've always felt like shit afterwards.

Which leads me to foods. The entire time I was away, all I did at night was think about foods, and for the first few months, talk about them. I had a little picture of cheesy bread sticks that I carried around like it was a lost cat poster. Every chance I got to cook I poured salt and grease over the sauces I made. In short, I'm a little afraid that I won't be able to break free easily of these lifelong addictions that even a prolonged stint of seperation couldn't accomplish. I'm also curious to see if my body will say, "finally! What took you so long, ya dingus?"

So for today I bought green beans, plums, brussel sprouts, carrots, and blueberries and I'm going to listen to what they have to say. Cuz I think I trust Patrick more than a sneaky burger.

P.S. I added some new pictures :)

Tu va bien (Day 6)

2009-08-06T20:43:00.000-07:00

I took some end of first week pictures. In one of them I look cross-eyed and like I’m about ready to snorfle a chocolate cake and I have this little ledge of fat hanging out over my belly button like it’s trying to shelter the young bellybutton from harm, but it’s all good. I unclogged a particularly tricky toilet today. It was like the divine spirit of the PCP was flowing through my arm pecs.

Today it gave me great joy to jumprope along to Mariam and Amadou’s “Senegal Fast Food” so I will share it with you in preparation for tomorrow’s 500.

Workouts have been going ok. I am still bad at pushups, enjoy the jumpropes, and am indifferent to crunches and leglifts. I brought happiness to my sister’s friend by sharing half a cheese sandwich yesterday. I’m really nervous about cooking and also about eating vegetables (we hates them, precious). But if I had gentle Russian voices urging me to eat one more spoonful, I might:

Notice his increasing whimpers and how he bangs his helpless baby fist on the table in horror. He can't talk, but he's trying to communicate: "no, dear God, not the vegetables!"

Finally, does anyone here enjoy literature? Have any books to recommend me? That is probably one of the first things I would ask you if I met you. My favorite is Nabokov.

I can't help it, it's my major (Day 4&5)

2009-08-05T13:29:00.000-07:00

Transparent Things

I think that one of the main unspoken themes at PCP is awareness. Awareness of our body and awareness of our food, and making hidden things, like muscles and food culture, visible. Zazen has a lot to do with awareness too. I think awareness is a difficult thing, and that its opposite is vices, like smoking or drinking three beers. I’ve always wanted to ask a Zenner what’s so great about awareness of the present moment. In my limited opinion it definitely feels more pleasant to escape in a vice than to be present with sadness and a headache. I do believe that awareness is important, though, probably one of the most important things we can do for each other as human beings.

This spring I was feeling dried out and looking for some beauty and coincidentally found myself in Paris. It didn’t take long to find the two things I was looking for: a good sausage and butterflies. I found the butterflies in Deyrolles, a naturalist’s shop with a stuffed giraffe and tables and tables of butterflies. Beside them, a once-living snake was reconstituted into a tiny ivory staircase under a glass dome, and I said, “ah, so that’s what a snake looks like inside.” It reminded me of the plastic eggs vending machines dispense. I was always disappointed by those eggs. My imagination filled them with far better things than the crappy plastic toy they held.

I always wanted to create my own version. It would be a 25 cent haiku for adults. I would make them out of glass and fill them with the replica of a mouse’s heart, a button mushroom, a bee’s wing, three cherry blossoms, or a scoop of river mud. Once, I bought a plastic one and cracked it in half. I took out the plastic toy and pasted a desert scene around the edges, and filled it halfway with sand. I added little matchsticks for scrub and a placed a green agate in the middle. It was a start.

One day, I was sitting with my friend listening to some African singers when he grabbed my arm and crowed, “that’s hemiola!” Hemiola* is a musical pattern that is rare in American music but common in renaissance and African rhythms. My friend gave a name and history to something that I thought was random noise. We can do that too. There is a history to cans with their syrups and brines and there is a history to soda, with its early alembics and phosphorus cures. And when I sit in the doctor’s office feeling the way that early sailors felt about the dark continents of my body, there is a history and a name for them too. It’s important to see inside of things. Maybe it will be difficult and we will give up, or maybe we will stand in awe of things made transparent.

PCP Proper:
Completed my workouts and my meditations. Still not much luck with my push-ups, but can feel my pecs (all of them). During meditating I had “Life Sucks” by No Cash (which is actually a pretty funny song) stuck in my head the whole time. It’s like a freakin’ radio station in my head. I also boiled my first piece of chicken, and when I was yelling at my salad cookbook (“fennel! I’m not touching a fennel, you perverts!”) 20$ fluttered from the pages. Exactly the cost of a wet-suit rental I’ve been coveting. Boogieboard, here I come!

*For an example of hemiola, listen to the song “Benja: Ma Mere Leila.” Try clapping along.

Thanks for reading and major respect to PCPers, especially those with jobs and families! I give you not one, but two movies:

Day 3

2009-08-03T18:21:00.000-07:00

PCP stuff:

The workout today was soooo great! It was like angels were kissing my biceps. Just kidding. By the end I was giving little pizza flavored burps of distress and gasping, "fat is my body's tears. FAT IS MY BODY'S TEAAAARS."* Then I ran to to mirror and squidged my stomach together to make abs. Patrick, are my pecs everywhere? Cuz that's where it hurts.

Patrick, help us to be more like Tarzan:

*According to one web-based dietician

Other stuff:

Fun: 2 points. I went to the beach and played with some sea anemones. I was like, "I'm pokin' you with....my FINGER! I'm pokin' you with...my FINGER." And they were like "we're injecting our sea anemone poison into your brain!" I also practiced the moonwalk in my attic in my socks. Meditating was o.k. but I had to wiggle around a lot to get in the right position. I would definitely get dirty looks in a zendo. Patrick, please help us to be more like Tarzan:

Uh...burritos?

2009-08-02T10:54:00.000-07:00

Patrick, I only did fifty "Shouts" today because my eyes were bleeding too badly. I'm really, really sorry. Patrick has me on a special program where I shout "I'M A FAT PORPOISE! I'M A FAT PORPOISE" with every push-up and then I have to rub my eyeballs with a toothbrush if I think about cake. (Totally kidding).

Nah, this morning I zombie shuffled sideways downstairs and did my exercises. It's surprising how sweaty I get with so little exercise. Still couldn't do the pushups, even on my knees. I did this little fledgling flop forward on my face when I tried to dip down. My toe is all red and purple and ready to molt the toenail from jogging, so I'm going to take a break from that for a while and ice it a lot so jumpropes don't mess it up more.

Tomorrow I'm going to take my sweet new ride:
http://www.payless.com/store/product/detail.jsp?skuId=070849110&productId=56857&subCatId=&catId=cat10376&lotId=070849&category=&catdisplayName=Brands++
and buy a scale, since our bathroom one is broken. I was like wow, I lost a lot of weight since yesterday. Then I thought, "wait a minute, 6 pounds in one day!?"

Meditated yesterday to the sounds of "come MR. Tallyman TALLY me BANANA" in my head. Totally failed on the fun front. I looked up "fun stuff to do for free" online. Yeah, one, Monopoly is not fun, and two, I'd need real, not Monopoly money to buy it. Some people would say, "get a job ya damn hippie, that's fun." Crimeny, I'm tryin'! If you want to have fun, I suggest reading "Cloud Atlas" by David Mitchell. It is a very fun book.

Oh, the other day I won 10 bucks on a scratch-it when I was buying PCP stuff. What should I spend it on?

I'M YOUR POPTART (Day 1)

2009-08-01T13:02:00.000-07:00

"You did then what you knew how to do, and when you knew better, you did better."-Maya Angelou

Why do we want our food to hurt us?

I was thinking about this as I was drinking strawberry kefir, which is pink, effervescent, and friendly, the food equivalent of swallowing a bag of kawaii charms. It contains probiotic organisms, which I imagine swimming helpfully in some intestinal grotto filled with singing clams and sea grapes festooned from the ceiling. Definitely a food "for to make you feel pleasant and cozy" as my old roomate would say.

On the other hand, I've been seeing a lot of commercials promising flavor "explosions" or to "pack a punch." One commercial asks a burger customer, "do you want it to hurt now, or later?" We want our food to do tricks. I can't watch a full SpongeBob episode without seeing a food commercial with some kid's head swelling up or performing some action that would normally result in a trip to the ER. Like in the recent commercial where a kid takes a bite and two flavor ninjas kick him in the face. It's like, you little bitch, I'M YOUR POPTART.

I was learning how to boil eggs yesterday. Did you know that the French have a name for each level of boiledness? Like, "sun lying in the shell of the white valley" or something. I think food is tricky enough without ninjas.

But dude, if gum did this, I would totally buy it:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cmyKFDL5Uto&eurl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww%2Eyoutube%2Ecom%2Fuser%2FExperience5Gum&feature=player_profilepage

PCP Stuff:

I 'finished' my exercises and can't move my arms or my legs. I physically couldn't finish my sit-ups and fell on my stomach with every pushup, but I do want to puke up my half glass kefir. Progress? My extra goals are to do one fun thing per day and to meditate and make meditating stop killing my right ankle.

My dad called and sounded slightly worried about my new regimen, so I'm going to start referring to Patrick as my 'guru' and signing off phone conversations with "under the sun of Patrick's love." That should reassure him, right?

I made a playlist to get us moving. Your socks will be crying in joy and awe:

1.) "Chicken soup for the f**k you" by Shout out out out out
2.) "Giving up, giving in" by Catch 22
3.) "South of France" by Harlem
4.) "Fever fever" by Melody Club
5.) "Senegal fast food" by Amadou and Mariam
6.) "A-Punk" by Vampire Weekend
7.) "Myke Ptyson" by Starf***er
8.) 51 seconds into "Ode to Joy"

Thanks for reading, good first day dudes!

Here We Go!

2009-07-27T17:39:00.000-07:00

Jessica's going to get fit. Right here!